‘Tis the season to scramble about and find a non-sarcastic politically correct answer to the question, “why aren’t you married?” Yes, the Christmas and New Year’s holiday continues to be the bane of the mid to late twenty-something year old female and even males alike. It’s always such a joy to give a smirk-you know that emoji that’s smiling but not really smiling? Yeah, that one and a gritting of the teeth while responding with some obscure answer or a merely audible “soon.” Aaaah yes, bliss! But I’m not about to get into that again, I’ve definitely vented more than enough about this unwelcome question over the duration of this blog. On a more positive note, I’ll just gloss over some of the things I learnt in 2018 based on the posts I had written earlier this year. This will also serve as a recap of all of the posts I’ve written this year, just in case you may have missed any of them.
So today, the 29th of December 2018, I just found out that Cher sang the song “Believe.” Yes, the one with the lyrics in the title and ends with “I can feel something inside me say, I really don’t think you’re strong enough, no…” Yep, that one. On a sidenote, it’s definitely a karaokeable song for 2019. 2018 was really the year of the bae for many people, myself included. Unfortunately, like several others too, the relationship crashed and burned but do you know what I learnt? As I sashayed away from the flames without looking over my shoulder(que in Mike and the Mechanics…scratch that, Cool Dudes don’t look at Explosions) I learnt that no matter what, keep believing in love, but be smart about it, you aint’ no Gloria Gaynor nor Lionel Richie, don’t allow love to make a fool outta you!
I’m still not a fan of Valentines although I do pride myself and my Cupcake company CUpTown Cakes for pretty much being Cupid’s BFF, right hand girl and employee of the the year as Cupid’s Quiver Holder-In-Chief. I love love but Valentine’s kind of feels a bit forced and fake for me.I still believe in an any random day Valentine as opposed to a worldly imposed day to celebrate feelings for significant others. However, I certainly won’t judge those who do it, actually,I’ll probably be running around for other couples, jumping through red rose hoops and getting all the bells and whistles for 14 February. Sometimes it’s just nice to watch from the sidelines J
I laugh at his one because it actually had a more risque title before I PC’ed it. You can check the address bar once you’ve clicked on the link to see what it was originally. Having said that, it rings very true though for both females and males alike. Relationshippers (defined as people in relationships,no thanks to Urban Dictionary) really need to put in the effort in gifting their people. A lot of people tend to shy away from this thinking that it’s really expensive and might even say their partner’s are high maintenance. But as a rule of thumb, if you know your person and what they like, you’re already know what to expect and you know how to make them happy, not only with physical gifts but other intangible gifts too. Oh, and just this afternoon I was having a conversation with my friend Mtho about spontaneity in relationships generally, which could also apply to gifts (physical and intangible).
In as much as spontaneity is awesome, structure is equally important. Imagine trying to surprise someone who may or may not be at the point of meeting when you decide to surprise them, or they’re not in a good place to receive said surprise. Considering we’re all going through some level of adulting (said levels lie between rock and hard place btw) routine in life in general and in relationships is very important. And again, know your person.
Which takes me to Love Languages, what I believe an understanding of these and how they apply to your partner should be the foundation of your relationship. I won’t delve too much into these as I’ve pretty much covered them in that particular blog, however, one of the greatest lessons I’ve learnt about relationships in general pertaining to the Love Languages is that a person’s Love Language isn’t permanent. As seasons in a person’s life change, you become more inclined to having your partner cater to a love language differently than before. For example, if Quality Time was a priority before and all of a sudden there’s a shift in your schedule because of school, work or any other thing that takes more of your time than with your partner, it’s more likely that your main language will shift from Quality Time to say, Acts of Service (your partner could give you a hand in one or 2 errands you need to run and don’t have time for) or even Gift Giving (your partner could give you something physical that reminds you that they are there and they care regardless of the reduced time you have to share. And it goes both ways too. Being present in a relationship and being aware of things will help in identifying the Love Language of the Season.
Long distance relationships suck. They’re not for the faint-hearted as they really require a lot of patience and most importantly TRUST. If you can’t handle it, don’t do it. If you can, good for both of you, I personally admire those that persevere through them. Power to you!!!
Once in a while it’s good to take stock of your relationship to see if you’re being loved the way you feel you should be. And it’s not one-sided either…take it as a job evaluation. As bae, are you doing the things that make the love to be felt by the other party and how do they rate you? What improvements to do feel each of you should make to make it feel better. Is your relationship like a warm and cozy home with a warm crackling or is it a bare, drafty empty space? “Am I still loving you right” should always be a question that’s asked every so often to keep that warm cracking, roasted marshmallowesque fire going.
As for Acrimoniously Ever After, in 2019 if you haven’t watched Nappily Ever After, please do yourself a favour and don’t do it…In Acrimony, my question of the year still remains, HOW DID MELINDA END UP ON THE BOAT??? Ok, maybe for a lot of people that wasn’t it but it sure was for me. For the other question, I believe both were wrong but Robert was on levels of impossibility for a large chunk of the movie. I also have a personal vendetta with him since he constantly made me spill my vino!
Basically that was 2018 in a nutshell, lots of lessons learnt and a whole lot more waiting to be learnt in 2019. I’m excited for the future and in as much as as things may be a bit tough, I think we should all be too, in life and in love. Cheers to a fantastic and love-filled 2019!